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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
yesterday i was being too emotional that i was being irrational. i got super angry over small things. i was being a control freak. reason bcos im jealous. i just dont like seeing it. it reminds me of the past.i saw,i didnt do anything,i was never worried of anything & things happened which cause me pain. but the reason i was angry with bf.. it was nothing. & not replying to his texts & not answering his calls was ridiculous. but im glad we managed to settle things out. im just so insecure. see how badly i was affected by previous relationships. i kept thinking same things will happen again therefore im scared to trust someone. im scared im left alone again. im just so scared of everything bad that can happen. that was why im like this now. but ive agreed to slowly try to trust him & understand. cos i noe if there's no trust,we can never go far. went to the hospital again today. been there for almost everyday for the past 2 weeks. nenek's condition seems ok but im still worried. anything can happen right. so i just pray for her health..hope she gets better before i start work. i really miss having her at home.. so tomorrow is my childcare interview. suppose to be today but postponed to tomorrow. & tomorrow is 23 december. but i dont feel like there's anything special. it will be just a day like any normal day. im getting bored.& worried too. ): nvm. blog later. choowss. Monday, December 21, 2009 GO JUST GO. ok.blame my itchy hands & kponess but i fucking hate to have found the truth myself. im already moody & i got to know something which made me real mad. so mad that i feel like i hate you, i feel like disappearing. yes.u know my ego is BIG. i dont care what's gonna happen. i just hate it when this kind of things happen.cos it tells me that im not important to u at all.i feel like im just nothing, a nobody.. & i can forget about 23rd december. birthday this year is NOTHING to me. i fucking dont care already. :'''( just leave me alone.
emotional wreck. last 2 days, i came home at 2 am from the hospital. things got serious & everybody was worried so we decided to stay on until doctor confirmed to us that nenek need/need not go thru an opt. Alhamdulillah nenek stopped bleeding but she's still not recovered yet. im scared.im so worried. & its so sad looking at her condition. 12days in the hospital. & she's still not showing signs of recovery. but no matter wat, we'll never stop praying. & guys, if i dont come for the outings.. i hope u understand. at times like this, if u were me, u wouldnt have any mood to come for things like this cos all that's in your mind is ur loved ones. if u dont think that way, i do. im super close to her. she's been with me eversince i came to the world until now,i've been together with her for 17yrs.all my life & have never separated. just like a mum. how can i not be so concerned? watever it is.. if i dont go, im sorry. hope u'll understand. i miss everybody. i love everybody. i love nenek. i love bf. Wednesday, December 16, 2009 it aint easy..... at last,yesterday i get to meet bf. i went to submit my documents to NP. then we head down to vivo. for lunch. we wasted alot of time there.cos it was raining. & i have no idea where else to go. then when mum sms, i got emotional. dont ask y. lucky i was given chance. then we decide to take bus home. long journey. i love long bus rides. (: things have been happening lately. nenek in hospital. now isk's mum is in the hospital. there's so many things im worrying about. application.work.dealing with myself. im not sure of everything. its so scary. n yesterday, nenek wasnt quite good. she lost alot of blood according to the doctor. & today she's undergoing endoscopy. i hope there wont be anymore bad news. i just want her to recover quickly. i miss her. haiizzz. soon as i gt home yesterday, i found myself crying in the toilet. then in my bedroom. im so sad with the things happening around me lately. one after another. bad news je. i got to know bf will be shifting to sembawang. so faaaaarrr. its already hard on us now. then later how? things will get more complicated.& my nenek all. haiizz.fortunately, my aunt stayed here. if not for her, i had to do everything myself. i wont be able to do so. next week is my birthday.. if things get serious..i wont want to bother about my birthday.it wont mean anything.... thanks to K.cos whatever happens,whether im angry at him, or disappointed or sad at some other things, he was there to keep me strong, he was there to cheer me up & make me sleep soundly at night.& yesterday when i was with him..i laughed like crazy the whole time.i needed that after everything that has happened. & i miss my friends. i hope we'll meet soon. im always wondering.... what's there in me that makes bf stay? im problematic. im full of sorrows. im ugly. im weak. im insecure. im always crying. my life's complicated. but why eh? cos basically im just nothing.... lately, things have gotten from bad to worse. there's so many things happening. & i've been getting bad news & bad things have been happening. i feel like i cant take this anymore. its like there is a time bomb iin my chest that's going to blow. i just hope nenek get well soon. i miss having her around :(( |
 shai ADEK! shafeeqah Mastura Nadiah farahin ikah SalsabiLA Hani Russhilah Liyana Amir Nabil AiiiN melor Nadres Haza Ren Kai AfiQAh Amirah Valarie Rachel Clarissa Ying Siew March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 Designer: Scribbles-love/{♥} |
